if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So vagazzling was a success
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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