Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I deserve this hangover.
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