Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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