he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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