Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize