peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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