nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
home. puking in laundry basket.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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