I would go down on you faster than GM stock
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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