Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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