I faked an abortion last night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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