I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize