hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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