Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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