the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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