you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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