So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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