i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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