Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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