He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
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Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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