this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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