she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize