your thong is hanging out like whoa
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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