Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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