You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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