drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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