I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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