Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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