there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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