In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
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Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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