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if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
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