I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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