I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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