I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
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On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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