You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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