I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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