Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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