I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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