Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
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Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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