I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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