TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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