I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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