PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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