listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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