my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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