Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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