Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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