Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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