I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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