I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize