grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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