then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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