Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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